This month I will be sharing some poems inspired by the VSS365 hashtag on twitter. May is Mental Health Awareness month. These poems deal with my mental health.
Empathy
When people are hurting
I feel their pain
It seems like a rapier
Poking my brain
It’s almost like
I’m an empath
I feel their hurt
Happiness, and wrath
Sometimes I know
What to say
Other times the words
Fade away
I have days
I can’t handle this
So I hide, pretending
Nothing’s amiss
Then there are days
I have to be strong
The ones where
Everything goes wrong
I know that life
Isn’t that easy
But would it be worth it
If life was too breezy
Life is a struggle
This I have learned
If it gets too easy
You’re about to be burned
Work hard as you can
Fight for everything
Keep on striving
Grab that gold ring
Having a heightened empathy level is difficult to live with, you seem to take on the struggles of those around you, even if you are in a good mental space. I am glad that I have this high of an empathy level. I am not complaining. It helps me to help my family when they are facing struggles.
Fragment
Being invisible
Is a burden
It leaves me feeling
Very uncertain
Do I exist?
Need I awaken?
Or am I a figment
Of your imagination?
I wish someone could tell me
Once and for all
Maybe then I’ll know
Just where I fall
Until then
My ego’s at risk
How can you succeed
If you don’t exist
My words are unheard
My ideas unheeded
I really don’t feel
My input is needed
I keep to myself
Most every day
Watching the world
Keep me at bay
It’s hard to discover
My true being
Invisibility isn’t
Truly that freeing
It’s my cross to bear
This much I know
Without struggles
We cannot grow
There are many times in my life where I have felt invisible, as if I don’t matter to those around me. Most of the time, it’s my own shortcomings that instigate the feelings. But, there are times when I am driving my car, and a semi truck decides to come into my lane, almost on top of me ( <- Reason #1 for staying off the highway ). I have also run into a few automatic hand dryers that won't work for me.
Silent
There’s too many options
It’s so hard to choose
My mind is vacillant
I’m very confused
I can’t decide
Which way to go
I feel blocked
I truly don’t know
There’s a ton of stuff
That needs be completed
But in my mind
I feel defeated
It’s hard sometimes
To concentrate
The foggy overload
Will not abate
Now I’m learning
To take some time
To center my body
And clear my mind
Hopefully this
Will help with my struggles
And bring clarity
In times of troubles
I want my mind
To be quick and keen Instead of feeling
Quarantined
I ask myself
Constantly
“What’s going on?”
“What do you need?”
My only response
Is echoing silence
I can’t even turn
To myself for guidance
So I struggle
And still press on
Though I can tell
My mind is gone
My whole body
Is on autopilot
I guess that’s why
It’s been so quiet
I do feel that my mind goes on vacation without me sometimes. It is really frustrating when this happens, but I have learned not to expect too much out of myself at those times.
Quitting
Sometimes I feel
Like a basket case
My head’s confused
I’m out in space
It’s hard to remember
What I’m doing
When I feel the urge
To smoke brewing
I’m trying to find
Other things to do
‘Cuz smoking cigarettes
Is making me blue
I need to quit
For my own health
Or they can lead
To a painful death
I know I can do it
I’m a vegan now
The hard part
Of quitting is how
Cutting out meat
Was easy for me
Smoking is harder to drop
As you can see
I’m trying to cut down
Week by week
I’m not so sure
About this technique
It relies a lot
On smoker’s honor
My will needs
To grow much stronger
Sometimes I forget
To mark one down
Then I feel
Like a big ole clown
It throws me off
I get confused
My feelings of
Accomplishment, disabused
Back to square one
Every day
How much longer
Can I live this way
This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have relied on cigarettes for over 20 years to help keep me calm and remove stress. Unfortunately, my body is rebelling against me now. I can’t seem to stop coughing, and I recently found out I have a mild form of emphysema. So quitting is now a necessity.
I will be posting more poems from my upcoming book for the rest of the month, I hope you enjoy this look inside my soul. Until next week, keep your eyes to the skies!
**All photos were sourced from the WIX website files for this blog**